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Jackie Bannon
Every woman knows this story. Girl
meets boy. Girl falls in love with boy.
Boy disappears without a word, making
said girl feel like a disposable razor. It’s a
story Ericka Langford has heard of, but
never experienced, until now.
After six weeks of deepening the butt
imprint in her couch, Ericka’s best friend
drags her to an adult arcade in Kansas
City for a night of fun. Instead, Ericka
runs into Mr. Houdini – and the son of a
bitch is with another woman.
meets boy. Girl falls in love with boy.
Boy disappears without a word, making
said girl feel like a disposable razor. It’s a
story Ericka Langford has heard of, but
never experienced, until now.
After six weeks of deepening the butt
imprint in her couch, Ericka’s best friend
drags her to an adult arcade in Kansas
City for a night of fun. Instead, Ericka
runs into Mr. Houdini – and the son of a
bitch is with another woman.
Devastated, she reviews her past relationships and comes to a few
conclusions.
1. Every time a relationship ends, she’s lowers her expectations. Now
the bar is so low a monkey can reach it, though she has yet to meet a
man who can.
2. At thirty-four, she knows the dating pool is murky, if not stagnant
in places. Most of the men are married and lie about it, serial
womanizers, or come with so much baggage she doesn’t want to touch
them with a pair of tongs.
3. All of the men she’d dated have one thing in common. They’ve been
jerks, not that they seemed like jerks at first.
Ericka decides she needs to make a few changes in her life. As a strong,
independent woman, she doesn’t need a man to feel complete. However,
she is sick of going home to an empty house and tired of missing the feel
of strong arms around her as she falls asleep. Besides, cooking for one
sucks, especially since it means she ends up eating the same meal
morning, noon, and night for a week.
She needs to find the person she used to be, the one who doesn’t fall for
idiots and stood up for what she believes in. More important, she needs
to find a way to see past a jerks camouflage. With the help of her
quirky girlfriends, she starts mending her broken heart. She also starts a
list of jerk traits – The Jerk List. The plan is to expose herself to as
many jerks as possible so that when she is ready to date again, she
doesn't waste time on men who can’t give her what she wants - a
functional relationship.
Her new neighbor, Scott, is a fountain of information, starting when he
mows his lawn way too early in the morning on Ericka’s day off and she
disables his lawnmower in nothing more than a tank-top and her
underwear, a fact he won’t let her forget.
Then there is Derek, an old flame who returns when he finds out she’s
single. He boosts her self-confidence even while trying to get back into
her bed. Not to mention the men she runs into on the internet dating
sites (men with screen names like Assdigger69), a speed-dating event
(who talks about coffin insurance on a seven minute date?), and bars
(fifty, rich, and Viagra does not equal a regular thirty something).
As Ericka weeds through the jerks, she learns a few things about herself
and her friends. But will her research help her find the man she wants?
Or will it reveal things about the dating world that would send any
sane woman into hiding?
conclusions.
1. Every time a relationship ends, she’s lowers her expectations. Now
the bar is so low a monkey can reach it, though she has yet to meet a
man who can.
2. At thirty-four, she knows the dating pool is murky, if not stagnant
in places. Most of the men are married and lie about it, serial
womanizers, or come with so much baggage she doesn’t want to touch
them with a pair of tongs.
3. All of the men she’d dated have one thing in common. They’ve been
jerks, not that they seemed like jerks at first.
Ericka decides she needs to make a few changes in her life. As a strong,
independent woman, she doesn’t need a man to feel complete. However,
she is sick of going home to an empty house and tired of missing the feel
of strong arms around her as she falls asleep. Besides, cooking for one
sucks, especially since it means she ends up eating the same meal
morning, noon, and night for a week.
She needs to find the person she used to be, the one who doesn’t fall for
idiots and stood up for what she believes in. More important, she needs
to find a way to see past a jerks camouflage. With the help of her
quirky girlfriends, she starts mending her broken heart. She also starts a
list of jerk traits – The Jerk List. The plan is to expose herself to as
many jerks as possible so that when she is ready to date again, she
doesn't waste time on men who can’t give her what she wants - a
functional relationship.
Her new neighbor, Scott, is a fountain of information, starting when he
mows his lawn way too early in the morning on Ericka’s day off and she
disables his lawnmower in nothing more than a tank-top and her
underwear, a fact he won’t let her forget.
Then there is Derek, an old flame who returns when he finds out she’s
single. He boosts her self-confidence even while trying to get back into
her bed. Not to mention the men she runs into on the internet dating
sites (men with screen names like Assdigger69), a speed-dating event
(who talks about coffin insurance on a seven minute date?), and bars
(fifty, rich, and Viagra does not equal a regular thirty something).
As Ericka weeds through the jerks, she learns a few things about herself
and her friends. But will her research help her find the man she wants?
Or will it reveal things about the dating world that would send any
sane woman into hiding?